The Soundtrack of My Life – 44 – This is Halloween

At one point in my life I was living to fit in. I had yet to discover my own likes and instead took on the ones of those around me. Granted this was during a brief period in my late teens. After coming out I was searching for a new identity because I didn’t believe the previous fit. In hindsight it did. I just refused to separate the Christian from it. Faith was never really my identity. It was me trying to fit.

When I came out I became “goth.” I was trying to fit in with my new friends and trying to re-catch the eye of my ex Sergio. The more time I spent with them the more I went further in. At one point I wore a long black priest robe and combat boots with spikes in them. My favorite addition was eyeliner. So spooky!

I was the reverse of Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was Christmas trying to be Halloween.

Tat this point in time I claimed that was my favorite movie but it was bullshit. I forced myself to like it. Now I really don’t. It is okay but the people who make it their entire identity I always associate with the time I claimed it was mine. It’s entirely a farce. They’re just trying to be something they’re not. Ironically, just like Jack.

But just like the Pumpkin King while trying to play a role I didn’t fit I ruined everyone’s time. My parents worried endlessly about me. And I alienated myself from my former friend group. Which turned out to be a good thing because staying with them would have made my self discovery about my tastes and my sexuality not happen. It took me playing a role to find myself.

Granted I didn’t emerge from this “Halloween” era fully formed. I had a lot of rough edges I had to polish out.

Another reason I have grown to dislike this movie is that Tim Burton is a secret racist. If you look throughout his films there is no diversity. Always just some thin, kooky hero who has an adoring beautiful white woman fawning over his weirdness. And in this movie the one black role is the villain and his name is OOGIE BOOGIE! Coincidence? Possibly. But. There is other evidence throughout his career.

Other notable connections to this song are of me singing along with my old roommate to it. Doug was such a good friend until we discovered he was a liar and a thief. He was the sweetest but if I can’t trust you I can’t give in this relationship.

Another was this dude who introduced to me his friend, who would become my ex-jay, gave me a $100 for NO reason and I ended up buying the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack and “order of the Phoenix.” Which would turn out to be my most hated of the series, before Rowling would reveal herself to be a cunt and therefore none of them hold up for me.


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