short story

April 10, 2024

NYC Short Story Challenge #1 2024 – “Life of Cards”

I am a sucker for some competition. There is nothing I love more than flexing my narrative skills under self-inflicted duress. Which is why my favorite competition to compete in is the NYC Midnight challenges. I prefer to do the “Flash Fiction” matches, just because it forces me to not procrastinate which I enjoy doing more than I should, but I won’t say no to their short story competition.

The way that they work is that they assign the contestants a genre, a scenario, and character. Sometimes they change it up and they have an item that must appear somewhere in the story. Regardless, the writer is tasked with creating a piece including these specific parameters.

For this year’s round one I was given: Genre – Drama; “Sold out”; Grandmother. With these I wrote the story below, which got me into 4th place! Now the top ten move onto round 2! If you stick around after the story you can read what the judges said about my entry.

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“Life of Cards”

Virginia had been dealt death many times in her life. First, it was her father who had passed when she was only six years old. She was left in the care of her stepmother, who felt no obligation to keep her. So, instead, she turned her over to the foster system.

            “I’m sorry, Ginny,” she had said, trying to muster up the most sincere tone, “but I can’t take care of you and my kids. I have my hands too full. This is all I can think to do.”

            Virginia was left perplexed as to why it was even a question, but at the time, she knew it must be something only adults knew.

            For eight years, she hopped from home to home until she was handed a card of life. It came to her in the form of love when she met the man who would take her away from it all. She saw Robert for the first time while visiting with a friend, sitting in the living room in a wing-backed chair with her legs draped over one of the arms.

            “This six-foot boy with broad shoulders and slicked-back hair strolled in. He was so handsome,” she recounted years later to the two children she would have with Robert. “He thought he was a quiet, gangly nerd, but I was smitten.” She paused and smiled, lost in the memory. “He knew how much I needed a hero and rescued me.”

            “Mom, you don’t think it’s odd that an eighteen-year-old boy would be attracted to a fourteen-year-old girl?” Patricia had asked.

            “Oh, phooey,” she said, waving a hand to wipe the stench of this sentiment from the air, “I’m telling you this now, as an adult. I know how and what I felt. Just focus on the romance of it, Pat.”

Love kept turning up in the deck of her life for what felt like years on end. It was met with adventures and successes in her husband’s home construction business. She had almost forgotten about it until everything shifted, and the dark cards kept coming up. One by one, she was handed death when she lost her son in Afghanistan, then again when her husband was taken from her by a heart attack while gardening, and then once more when her daughter passed in the delivery room.

            The birth of her grandchild, Owen, even though it was accompanied by the loss of one of her greatest loves, was her saving grace. He was what gave her her daughter back. He was a “double-whammy” she needed to keep playing.

            Owen’s father chose to not participate in his life, even when given the option.

            “Listen, Mrs. Sticklin,” his voice was even more cold over the telephone line, “This isn’t for me. I give everything to you. He’s yours. I want no part of it.”

            “I’m familiar with that feeling,” she said, choking on the words. “I will ask nothing of you. Nor will I lie to him about why you’re not here.”

            “I could care less,” he spat and disconnected the line.

            Virginia cringed at the miswording of the phrase.

            Good riddance, she thought. Clearly, he isn’t playing with a full deck.

            Virginia knew she wasn’t prepared to be a mother again, like most women at fifty years old, let alone as a single parent, but she refused to relent. Much like she had promised not to abandon or give up on her children, she refused to do so to the one remaining link to a life long gone. She swore to do whatever she could. No matter what.

            The early years of their life together were like gliding onto a well-worn track, and Virginia found the know-how to get it done. Late nights of tears, diapers, and snuggles went by in the blink of an eye. Owen was walking and talking with his own strong opinions and interests that seemed to change daily.

            Then, one summer night, everything shifted again. Virginia was sure this was the flashpoint that caused the worst of all Owen’s obsessions.

After Virginia had finally tucked him into bed, she retired to the kitchen table to play a game of solitaire. She pulled out her well-worn cards from a drawer, shuffled them up, and set up the game board, licking her thumb as she went. Before she dealt out the first three cards, she studied the ones before her, building her strategy.

            Deep in thought, she hadn’t noticed Owen stroll into the kitchen in his mint footy pajamas.

            With a tiny finger, he tapped her on her arm, sending a jolt through her body and causing her to fling out her arms, nearly tossing the cards clutched in her hand.

            “Good, Lord, Owen,” she said, grabbing at the stitch in her chest with both hands, “don’t scare grandma like that.”

            “My tummy hurts,” he said, his little arms wrapping around his midsection.

            “Are you sure?” She asked, “It wasn’t hurting a second ago.”

            Her grandson nodded as he rubbed his right eye with his small fist. She knew he was just trying to get out of going to bed.

            Virginia scooped Owen into her lap and wrapped her arms around him as she played the game before them. He sat silently as she whispered her moves into his right ear.

            “And now, we have an Ace!” she said, taking it from the draw pile and putting it into the home row.

            “Yay!”

            The game wound on into the night until she reached where she could no longer make a move. The cascade of alternating suits blocked the cards she needed to finish the game.

            “We can’t win them all,” she said.

            “You didn’t win?” Owen asked, looking at the state of play before him.

            “Nope,” She said, “that’s why we shuffle and try again.”

            “Can I play? I know I can win.”

            Virginia laughed.

            “I’m sure you would,” she hugged him, “but it is way past your bedtime.”

            She put him back into bed, tucked him in tight, and kissed his forehead.

            The next day, he was bent on learning to play. In his first few games, he would cheat without knowing, but Virginia quickly corrected him, and he would follow her instructions.

            “You have to play by the rules, or a win isn’t real,” she said.

            Owen nodded and then haphazardly gathered the cards into a pile to shuffle them.

            Soon, when he had grown bored of playing alone, he begged her to teach him another game. The only one she knew by heart was Rummy, which they would play multiple times a day at the kitchen table. She loved watching his eyes look intently at his hand, his little tongue wagging between his lips. The wheels were spinning hard in his head. He was always working things out.

            On the first day of first grade, Owen took his deck of cards to school to tempt the other kids to play with him, but he couldn’t. They were only interested in Pokemon.

            “What’s poke-e-man?” Virginia asked him when he came home from school.

            “It’s a card game,” he said, his eyes lighting up, “you have these little monsters that fight each other.” His gestures were broad and fast as he explained it.

            “Can you get me some?” He asked, his blue eyes pleading.

            Virginia pursed her lips together, “I’ll see.”

            Owen searched the internet on his iPad to further assist his endeavor to acquire pokemon cards. Whenever he got something new and “notable,” he would show her. By bedtime, she was tired of hearing about it and couldn’t be bothered.

            “It looks like some new ones are coming out soon!” he whispered to her.

            Virginia chuckled.

            “Go to sleep, love.”

            The next day, when Owen was in class, Virginia found a local hobby shop to make sense of the information she had been shown the other evening.

            “Well, you came on a good day since the newest set just came out. Unfortunately I’m sold out.”

“Sold out? How is that?”

The proprietor rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Scalpers. They come here, buy everything, and sell it online for crazy prices.”

Virginia groaned, “Well, we’re just starting.”

“In that case, you’re going to want to get a deck,” he replied, pointing to the shelf behind him filled with colorful animated boxes. Each had some elaborate fantastical name for what lie within.

            Virginia nodded, her eyes studying the selection.

            “This is too much. Just give me whatever you need to play.”

            “The two-player starter?” he said, grabbing it and holding it up for her.

            “Sure, might as well learn,” she answered, shrugging.

            When Owen got home from school she surprised him with the set. He threw his arms around her and then studied the box.

            “Does that mean you’re going to play with me?”

            Virginia shook her head with an uneasy smile, “I’m sure going to try.”

            She marveled at the game’s strategy and loved watching him grasp the nuance of the rules. He would move each card from one space to the next, studying his cards and licking his lips.

            He is made for this, she thought.

            Once he had a firm grasp and over a hundred wins with his grandma, Owen entered tournaments and went after all the sought-after cards. He was a shark. Determined and ruthless. She would play the game online at night to stay ahead of him. However, no matter how much practice she put in, Owen was always one step ahead.

            “Thanks for playing with me, Grandma,” he said after another round of complete and utter annihilation.

            “I try,” she said.

            Owen just smiled.

            That night Owen came to her complaining once again about his stomach.

            “Grandma, it feels like it’s twisting my guts,” he said, “can we go to the doctor?”

            Still in her robe, they rushed to the emergency room for answers.

            “Everything is going to be alright,” she said in the bustling waiting room.

            However, after nearly twelve hours in the emergency room with an innumerable set of blood tests, CT scans, and X-rays, whatever she may have wanted the answer to be, there was another card waiting to be dealt.

            “I’m sorry to tell you this,” the doctor said, with a twitch of his mustache, “But it appears he has intestinal cancer. I wish I could tell you more, but this is beyond my expertise. We’ve referred you to the nearest children’s hospital.”

            Virginia went numb. The room around her seemed to spin, and what she heard was drowned out by a high-pitched whine.

            “Are you okay?” The doctor said. He went to grab her arm, but she held up a hand.

            “This is just a lot,” she assured him.

            She was furious with herself for not listening earlier.

            Virginia and Owen’s lives morphed into doctor’s visits and hospital stays. Try as they might to get rid of the cancer, it seemed to pop up somewhere else unexpectedly and always more aggressive than before. They needed a surefire way to get rid of this.

            The only thing that made sense for Virginia was to keep playing games with her grandson to distract from the chaos of sickness. She would always play with a smile, determined to let him win no matter what. To her utter dismay, her winning became much easier and more frequent. The treatments were taking his sense of awareness away. She would watch him make moves that didn’t quite make sense.

            There is no strategy here, she would think.

            Late one evening, as Owen lay in the hospital bed, connected to IVs and a heart monitor, Virginia watched his frail, small body breathing. With all the deaths in her life, she had never been here, in this moment, struggling to understand or do something. Death had always come to her like a thief in the night, stealing from her what she loved most.

That I could handle, Virginia thought, but this is something else entirely.

            The next day came, and she was determined to do something she had some control over. She knew that the next set for Pokemon was coming out and intended to get him all the packs she could find. Hell, she might even buy him a box. Just to bring some joy into his life.

            She tried three different stores but was only met with disappointment. As a last-ditch effort, she went to the nearest department store and made a B-line for the trading card section, but there was nothing but metal shelves and empty hooks before her. Virginia’s heart was in her ears.

            She went immediately to the register.

            Maybe they haven’t put them out yet, she thought.

            “No, I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re sold out. He just bought everything we have,” the clerk pointed to a swarthy man walking out the automated doors, carrying four full bags.

            “What!” she screeched.

            Virginia ran out of the store after the man and grabbed his arm just as he was about to step off the curb.

            “What the hell are you doing?” she asked.

            “Excuse me?” the disheveled man asked, squinting at her behind his glasses.

            “Why did you buy all of those cards?”

            “It’s none of your business!”

            “It is indeed my business!” she shouted. She could feel the tears forming beneath her eyes, “You don’t understand. You come in here and buy up all of this stock for what? To sell it at some jacked-up price? My grandson is dying. All I can think about is bringing him some modicum of joy in the face of death, and here you are, being some foul creature who turns kids’ toys into some sick investment! You couldn’t leave just one? It had to be all of them? You should be ashamed of yourself.”

            The man stammered over his response, his head jerking around on his neck as he looked at the scene unfolding around him.

             Virginia started to cry.

            “How could you do this? Just be—”

            Frazzled, the man held up his right hand, holding two bags, “Here, take these.” He shoved them into her chest, looked around, and shuffled as fast as his worn sneakers could carry him back to his car.

            Virginia hugged the bags into her chest and cried harder than she had since she lost her daughter. She hurried back to her car with her new treasures, double-checking the contents to make sure it was even the set she had wanted. Her challenge had won her thirty-six packs and a stick of old spice deodorant, which she quickly discarded before handing them over to her grandson.

            “Grandma!” Owen said with a big smile, “This is awesome! Thank you!”

            The boy tore into the silver wrapping with all the excitement she had seen him have the first time she had bought him a starter set.

            “I can’t wait to add these to my decks,” Owen said. “I got some real good cards. I’m going to win!”

            Virginia smiled with damp cheeks.            

“I hope so.”

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JUDGES FEEDBACK:

”Life in Cards” by Joshua Hensley –    

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY –

{1894}  Virgina’s explosion in the parking lot felt very realistic – she’s under a lot of stress, and a random breaking point over game cards was a great way to show this. The connection between her and Owen is strong, and using the games as a way for them to spend time together was a nice touch. Their dialogue also felt natural and conversational.  

{2115}  I’m really impressed with the scope of this story, which covers some weighty themes and quite a large period in Virginia’s life. I like how vividly her different family members come through—those who have left her life, like her stepmother, her late husband and children, but especially the grandson whose caregiving duties keep Virginia vital and active into old age. I like the gentle thread of cards and games that ties in with her resilience and the “cards” she draws in life. Good job raising suspense and tightening pacing as cancer gets closer with the grandson’s diagnosis and the dramatic scene in the store with the card purchase. And I love the open note you end on! 

{2333}  I like how much of Virginia’s life is included in the story. Knowing just how much death and loss Virginia has experienced across her lifetime helps us understand fully how upsetting it is for her to learn that her grandson has intestinal cancer. Also, it heightens the urgency of her hunting down Pokémon cards for Owen.  

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK –

{1894}  Consider cutting some of the backstory offered. While the descriptions of death after death add depth to Virginia’s suffering, the true start of the story seems to be when Owen starts wanting to play games with his grandmother. What would it look like if the story started here? A quick line or two about why Owen’s mother’s death could set up their lives together. This could also cut the volume of the story – having too many highly intense pieces in one story can cause the reader to feel removed from the characters. Consider keeping the main conflict focused on Owen’s illness.  

{2115}  My main question is, should at least a few of the particulars of the Pokemon game come through, the way we see some of the details of her Solitaire game? Should we see some of the names of the cards she and her grandson seek? That might make the pathos of this story feel even more grounded and authentic. 

{2333}  Clarify the statement at the top of p.3. The author says one summer night, everything shifts, and Virginia is “sure this was the flashpoint that caused the worst of all Owen’s obsessions”. It’s unclear what the author is trying to say with this statement. As written, it reads like the worst thing about this moment is Owen’s interest in card games, and not the stomach pain that may or may not be the first sign of his intestinal cancer.

April 27, 2022

The Soundtrack of My Life – 16 – A Sorta Fairytale

Goodness… Music truly is magic for me. I had completely forgotten that this song (and artist honestly) existed. That is until someone posted one of Tori Amos’ the other day on twitter. My memory whirred to life and every detail of my first boyfriend came rushing from deep within the archives. I was once again back there and filled with so much to write about that, without a second thought, I knew what song to do next.

I have had internet friends since I was 12. I nagged my mother to get the internet until she begrudgingly signed up for AOL. At the time, I wanted to recreate “You’ve Got Mail.” The moment our computer was connected to the world wide web I was in search of people to talk to. In a very roundabout way, one in which I cannot recall how we met, I started exchanging lengthy digital letters with a girl named Mary. (I still have all of them printed and held in a manila folder somewhere.) She lived in Minnesota, older than me by a year or two, and completely obsessed with the Broadway musical Les Miserable. She had broken the rules messaging me and when her parents found out about our exchanges they forbade her from sending any further correspondence. (Anyone can be anyone on the internet.) But like most teenage girls, she found a work around that wouldn’t get her into trouble. Mary commissioned her friend Tessa to type out and send me her handwritten letters in secret. That lasted for about a month when, eventually, those messages ended all together and, instead, Tessa and I became friends. The two of us were close enough that for Christmas one year she sent me a CD with a bunch of her favorite songs. On that disc was this one by Tori Amos.

At first I had no interest in it. It wasn’t really my vibe. I had just turned 17 and was going into my punk rock/emo phase. The tone and lyrics of this did not match how I felt inside. At least, when I first got it. It would however become an obsession later.

I only ever came out to someone by accident. Not so much that, but unexpectedly. I had been invited to an old friend’s, Becky, birthday party at a bowling alley. I went with the intent on telling her that I was “bisexual” because I had this gut feeling that she would accept me. However, because I brought along my friend Jenny as a buffer, I did not end up doing that at first. Instead Jenny and I stayed in our own lane and bowled. I was too scared to talk to Becky and, as the star of the evening, getting her alone was impossible. The party wound down and then Jenny and I both decided to head out too. I left feeling “relieved” I hadn’t said anything. Saying it would have made it real and my deeply held Christian faith wouldn’t have allowed it.

When I had gotten into my parents’ aquamarine station wagon, I turned the key to discover a completely dead battery.

“That sucks,” Jenny laughed and left me to fend for myself.

My parents showed up to help and as we waited for triple-A to come and bring “the bitch mobile” back to life, I went back into the bowling alley. I had to get one more look at the guy I had been salivating over all night.

I thought he was so handsome. Dressed all in black, with dark brown eyes and a brooding expression. His face was pockmarked by bad acne, but his smile was captivating. He was one of the handful of Becky’s friends still bowling, as my friend sat by herself playing with her brand new phone.

“I thought you had left” Becky had said.

I gave her the run down as I stared at her friend. Then from somewhere deep in myself I built up the courage to lean forward and whisper my confession in her ear. For the first time ever I told someone that I was bisexual.

“And your friend Sergio is really cute.”

She laughed and told me that he too was a recent recruit to the “friends of Dorothy.”

“Oh, really?” I had said. “Do you think you could hook a brother up?”

“I think I can do that,” she had replied.

The following day, as my parents drove us down to our family’s early Christmas party, I berated myself for having said anything. I regretted it. I wanted nothing more than to call her up and say, “I don’t know what I was saying. I’m not bisexual.” Even now as I type this I can feel the same churning in my stomach. “If I just hadn’t gone back inside…” I kept telling myself.

Even though I felt that then, when Becky called me to meet up with her and Sergio at the mall I jumped at the chance. I had already made it past the first hurdle, might as well keep going. See where it goes. We walked the length of the enclosed shopping center, Sergio and I hit it off instantly. Well, for me at least. I can’t speak for his experience.

My dad came and picked me up and took me home where I immediately got back in the car and returned to the mall. I joined back up with them and then went and saw the Two Towers. There Sergio and I sat together and held hands. My heart could have burst.

Every chance after that I would get together with Becky and have her call Sergio to come over. I was truly smitten. He was all I thought about, who I wanted to be around. I loved the smell of him. He wore a particular cologne that even to this day if I catch a whiff of it I’m taken back to the day we made-out on Becky’s bed.

The problem with letting yourself love who you want for the first time is you run the risk of feeling too much all at once. For so long I had deprived myself of allowing my true homosexual feelings. So once the cork was popped, all the pressure that had been building behind it exploded. And not in a fun way. I gave too much of myself too quickly.

After we had been kissing, again, on Becky’s bed, I whispered in Sergio’s ear that I loved him. He hesitated for a second and said it back. I was elated. I had never felt so amazing in my entire little life. However… it was after that in which his response to me changed. He became distant and avoided me like a mask mandate. I knew something was amiss but I couldn’t place it. Finally, a few days before the winter formal, he dumped me over the phone. It was my own fault. I forced it out of him. He was told to hold out until after the dance, but I was too much for him. The “gay thing” was too much for him. He wasn’t even sure he was queer. (Turns out… he’s just not gay for me.)

I was absolutely gutted. I had never been dumped before. Prior to this I had dated two other people, girls, and I had been the one to end things. This time… The pain I felt was intense. Like I said, once you allow yourself to feel things, for real, you have to also face the other side as well. And the emotional swings are just as broad.

I obsessed over him and re-ran every moment, especially the night I forced him to break-up with me, for months. I picked apart and analyzed everything trying to figure out what I had done wrong. It only took me a few years to realize that it had just been too much for Sergio. I absolutely came on wildly too strong, too fast. Sergio wasn’t ready. And, honestly, neither was I.

The break-up threw me into a depression, where it was so noticeable that my mother asked me repeatedly what was bothering me. Somewhere around the sixth time she had inquired, I snapped a response.

“My boyfriend dumped me,” I had said.

The look of shock on my mother’s face was intense. The color drained from her cheeks and her eyes bulged from their sockets.

“What are you saying?” She had asked.

My response is lost to the wave of raw emotion. I just remember saying I wasn’t full gay, but “Bi-bi-bi.” (Aka a lie-lie-lie.) My mother scurried from the family room and went to bed, crying.

Overcome with guilt at my mother’s response and fear of my mother knowing I liked men, I shuffled into her dark bedroom and lied, “I was just joking.”

“Why would you do that to your mother,” my father’s methodical voice said out of the darkness.

For the next few months, I moped around trying to cope. I blogged about it whenever I felt the pangs of sadness, but I could hardly get past my emotions. It was such a foreign concept to my young heart. How something could be alive and real in one moment, but gone forever the next, left me befuddled.

The worst part was that since Sergio was a close friend to Becky, he still came around. So, I had to make nice with this son-of-a-bitch whenever I saw him. And my heart would go from one extreme to the next. In one moment I want to grab his pudgy cheeks and kiss him, while in the next I wanted to knock his lights out. The best part was that in this friend group they would play the “slug bug” game but with two additions: out of state license plates and mustangs. Mustangs were included just because the dude who had originated the revised game hated them. And they were fucking everywhere. So, I got to hit him hard and often.

In the wake of the break-up I was set adrift and I rediscovered the song above. It captured me by it’s poetic lyrics and this ending where it leaves you wanting more. It inspired a short story I wrote to it’s tune, with the intent for the reader to listen to the song as they read. I think the term most artists like to use is it was “experimental.” It’s written in broken up scenes, almost like a dream or snapshots. I will include it below for the more curious minds. Just know that it is truly terrible.

I also seem to have written with this weird British accent. Gosh, I’m adorable.

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Him until the End

The news came like a wave and hit each shore of ears all at the same time. It crashed into their ears and flooded their minds with foam. With each collision, a different response was expelled out of the crevasses of their minds through the mouths of the people; and each response varied from the negative, to the neutral, and to the positive, but how anyone could have a positive to such is a surprise; but nevertheless how people took it was the bulk of the story.

*             *             *

Jonathan Abhor awoke to sun and birds every day since he had found happiness; he pulled himself from the mountains of blankets and pillows and dressed with speed, for he couldn’t wait to see the thing that had brought joy into his life. He could hardly contain the happiness that broiled within him; there was so much that he couldn’t help but smile and laugh at the idea of ‘him.’ ‘Him’ was the coming and reason for all, just remember that, for ‘him’ was a benchmark moment within the life of Jon. ‘Him’ was responsible for the change that had occurred in the boy, he was why Jon even dressed differently.

After making some adjustments to his appearance, he rushed to his car, hopped in, and immediately started the engine and backed away from the house. From that point he raced to ‘heavens rest,’ the meeting point of where it all collided.

Anna Kismet’s room was a haven for all who didn’t wish to be seen, who could only do things there and not be judged, and peace and love would be found. Anna was a great reason for all of this, if it hadn’t been for her none of the recent events would have happened, she was perfect to Jon, for she had given the boy ‘him.’

‘Heavens Rest’ was almost silent as some movie played in the background, but none of that mattered for now because right now all that existed was Jon and ‘him.’ Together they laid in each others arms, gazing into the others eyes trying to find who they truly were. Without thinking, lost in the exchange of gazes, Jon leaned forward and kissed the lips of ‘him.’ A feeling of electricity flowed through his lips and continued in a steady stream through each of his limbs, until the two finally broke and together again they looked into the others eyes. Both smiled slightly and then ‘him’ leaned in and again they kissed innocently, but before Jon could realize what was going about he found himself locked into a kiss he didn’t want to end. Beauty existed and grew and before long they broke, and swimming in the scent of ‘him’ he said softly, “I love you.”  Those words hung lightly in the air until a response was tossed up and it was no longer alone, “I love you, too.” They kissed lips softly and wrapped together they lay with the other.

*             *             *

It was evening and the whole of the small town world was moving about, carrying out their lives through the streets and stores, trying to make sense of things that normally were fuzzy. Jon was alike those who lay before him. His world had stopped spinning and the sky had shattered and crashed to the earth, and the shards had cut his skin leaving him behind a bloodied mess standing alone. It was a night before the school dance, and oblivious to what was to happen, he and his friends were all busy getting things prepared. It was all frustrating and consuming, but to make his life complicated even more it was also the night that him decided to rid his life of Jon. ‘Him’ had spilled everything against his will, so on the phone he told his plight to a broken hearted boy, saying that he still wanted to be friends. Though through his strained eyes he looked back at the month they had lived as a pair, and those words “let’s be friends” held no effect to the scarred human being who only wanted to scream “Why? What was all of that? Was it all lies?”  But using every fiber of himself he held back the words and just accepted the ruthless murder of his trust and love.

Anna was there that night, for Jon was at her house, and she watched his face as it reddened with pain and his eyes welled with tears. She had to look away for fear she would soon cry too, and she was meant to be the strong one at this point in time. So, where it all began it ended and that was where so much more happened. Sobbing so hard on her shoulder Jon lost a giant piece of himself, a piece he would never get back because it was too great and large to lift and replace.

*             *             *

“Why did you break up with me,” Jon uttered from his lips against his better judgment.

“Because,” he began, “I never really liked you, and while we were dating I was sort of liking someone else. Plus, I was scared people would find out about us. I mean we couldn’t have kept it a secret forever.”  ‘Him’ had spoken this without any human remorse or sorrow, he spoke it almost maliciously as if to destroy the rest that was left of Jon; and it was there that the last piece of the boy broke away and in the darkness of an abyss he fell hoping to reach the end soon, where he knew he’d hit the ground and die.

*             *             *

The window of Jon’s room lay open, allowing in the sound and sweet scent of the spring rain as the boy penned his life’s tale upon paper. The more he recalled and wrote about the past month the more he hated his existence, and in time his story turned into a letter of good-bye. It was at the moment he finished that he decided to end his duration; he couldn’t take the pain for there was far too much. So, the story now told and able to be heard he leaped with hope to his car and climbed in, taking flight immediately to the school, and there his ending would commence.

*             *             *

“I don’t believe he did it,” said one girl, after the letter Jon had penned had been read by the school. “He was dating a guy! Was he gay?” 

“No. Weren’t you listening? In his letter it said he made a mistake falling in love with a guy, but that it was nothing more,” said the guy she had been speaking with.

*             *             *

…I’m killing myself because I loved him more than I’ll ever be able to comprehend; my life got better with his existence but what’s a life without him? There is just too much hurt for me to carry on without Cameron.

THE END

September 9, 2021

NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Challenge #1

Well… I just got the feedback from my submission for the first challenge of the Flash Fiction competition. Unfortunately I did not even place in the top 15. So that is… rough. For me to even move on past the second round I’ll have to place in the top 3. So… Fun.

How the competition works is you’re given a genre (obvi), a location and an object that must appear somewhere in the narrative. For this challenge I was assigned: genre – sci-fi, location – a talent show, and object – a bone.

May I add, I fu-hucking hate Science Fiction. These little challenges have proven to me time and again that it is absolutely not my goddamn genre. Not even a little. What’s also irritating is the three times I’ve competed in this competition I have been assigned this goddamn genre repeatedly. So, please, shoot me.

Below is what I submitted and below that will be judge’s feedback. I will say they are absolutely correct in their reviews. Due to the fact that I literally wrote this in an hour with little to no editing, I’m surprised their critiques weren’t more critical. To be honest, I haven’t even re-read it since I sent it. (And I’m not even reading it now.)

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Starship Follies

            On the twelfth deck of the massive Heavannah II starship, the crew gathered eagerly to watch the Sixteenth Annual “Display of Expertise” talent show.  They chattered to one another, filling the cavernous, round hall with the rabble of their conversation. The chorus of voices sent many who had signed up to participate into states of nervous excitement. For Arnold Habberny, however, his stomach began to twist in agony.

            He stared out at the growing crowd, from behind the curtain of stage right.

            I don’t know if I can do this, he thought to himself.

            The young boy lifted his feathered head piece and dabbed at his brow and down his pale cheeks all the way to the base of his neck.

            A young Mefferling, with blue skin and three crests arching over the top of his head stepped beside Arnold.

            “You can do this,” he said, his forked tongue licked at his thin lips as he spoke.

            Arnold turned to him, “Please tell me you’re not using your mind reading abilities, I’shia. I can’t compete with that.”

            “Please,” I’shia rolled his three eyes, “that’s old news. I got something better slated for debut.”

            Arnold’s stomach twisted even more.

            The four legs of the appointed master of entertainment for the ship, Cassia Corlay, sidled to center stage. Holding out two of his four arms, he gestured for the crowds silence, as he used the other two, to pull from his pocket a small round device. He switched on the circular mic and it took to the air, hovering just above his head.

            “Good evening, my fellows,” his voice boomed across the hall, “and welcome to the show of shows! It gets boring at times, travelling across the reaches of unknown space, which is why once a marked ship year, we all on-board gather to watch what we love to do on our off hours.”

            The crowd cheered.

            “And I am told this years’ collection of displays is going to be greater than last’s. And remember, whoever has the greatest of talents wins the trophy of excellence and earns a guaranteed spot on our next expedition.”

            Arnold’s stomach churned again.

            “Without further ado, let us initiate the show. I present to you, the Ebber Brothers!”

            The crowd cheered and Cassia rushed from the stage.

            The lights dimmed to black and a single spotlight rose to center stage. Illuminated in the lone spot of light was the first act. It was a set of twin Baggins, with scaly skin and yellow slit eyes. They bowed in unison and opened their fish-like mouths to garble a series of phrases. A disembodied, monotoned voice boomed over the crowd translating their words.

            “We have the spectacle of spectacles,” it said for them.

            From the darkness of the surrounding stage an empty silver door frame was placed between them. The two looked to the other and nodded. Then one after the other, they took turns hopping through a single side but emerging from both, cloning themselves. When there were three sets of the twin brothers on stage, the door frame disappeared into the darkness and they all moved about the stage in a choreographed dance.

            The brother’s number ended their number on their knees, and one by one, the clones evaporated in puffs of smoke. A faint haze of the former creatures drifted across the stage.

The crowd’s applause rose like a roar, filling the space.

            Arnold tried to swallow the knot in his throat.

            Cassia retuned to the stage.

            “Not many could beat that,” he said, and the crowd responded with cheers.

            “Our next number is from I’shia Yayabu, last years winner. Please welcome him to the stage!”

            Cassia gestured to his two right arms to off stage, as he exited left.

            “Wish me luck,” I’shia whispered as he left Arnold in the wings.

            The Mefferling took center stage and bowed toward the audience.

            “My talents are only unbound by the study of my Mefferling abilities and innovation.”

            From the darkness of the stage a pair of gloved hands, placed a helmet that fit in between the spaces of I’shia’s crests. He closed his three eyes and held out his arms.

            “Now give me your thoughts,” he said.

             The crowd sat in tense silence.

            With his eyes still closed, he looked to different spots in the audience. Pointing a finger at them, a colored ball of energy would then form from the helmet and vibrate up into the air. Purple, blue, black, and red balls of electricity crackled over the audience, sending them into cheers of excitement.

            “Thank you, I’shia,” Cassia said as he returned to the stage. “That was incredible!”

            I’shia removed his helmet and the balls snapped out of existence.

“I’m doomed,” Arnold mumbled.

“I don’t know how anyone will compete against that but let’s try! Please welcome Arnold Habberny!”

The crowd remained silent as the young man walked into the spotlight. His footsteps echoed ominously across the hall.      

“I… I have this,” he said.

            From beyond the spotlight a very high platform was wheeled out, a box placed in the center. Then a single hand held out an old brown bone.

            Arnold took the bone and climbed up the metal ladder, along the side of the platform to place the bone inside of the box.

            A puff of smoke erupted from the bottom of the platform, producing an earth llama.

            “Ta-da,” he squeaked.

            Arnold held out his hands to a silent audience.

            “That’s not a talent,” a voice shouted from the audience.

            “Did I mention, I crossed it’s DNA with a cobra’s?” he answered back.

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Judges Critiques:

 WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY – {2162}  There was lots of vivid detail – colors, sounds, feelings, different species of aliens, etc. It was easy to feel as if I was among the crowd watching the story unfold. There was also a lot of creativity demonstrated in having thought up the different acts put on at the show.    {2144}  The idea of an annual talent show to keep morale up on a spacecraft is a really creative use of the prompt. The different acts were also intriguing and created some cool visuals.  {2121}  Mixing interstellar species without fanfare, and the inclusion of some of their various different capabilities and appearances, helps define the world of the story more effectively than just setting description. Arnold’s nervous anticipation and reluctance are also understood well, heightening as both acts before him perform their talents to positive audience reactions.   WHAT THE JUDGES {Did Not} LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY – {2162}  I had a little trouble following the acts themselves – and it is an understandingly difficult feat to create and then describe extraterrestrial talents – in your next draft, perhaps really try to nail down the nature of what is spectacular to the audience – is it the cloning? the clones dancing? the light show of the energy balls? Think of ways to make the alien entertainment more and more beguiling to a reader – including Arnold’s talent, and the audience’s lack of reaction. Why weren’t they impressed? Why was he so nervous? Is the cobra line a joke? It ends a bit abruptly, to me, but I think that the more time you are able to pin down the acts and maybe give Arnold a little more detail, the more this story will cohere!   {2144}  In general, I wanted there to be more at stake here for the characters. Why does Arnold want to do well in this competition? What is on the line? I think we need to understand Arnold a little better to root for him.  {2121}  While Arnold is the protagonist of the story, his talent is revealed last and much more concisely, to the point where the reader doesn’t really understand what he accomplished. The story ends with him attempting to defend his talent by explaining how he crossed DNA to create an “earth llama,’ which in itself is fascinating if given the space to be developed and explained. Arnold is also never described beyond being a “young boy” wearing a feathered headpiece; if he is indeed human, why is he the only human character mentioned in the piece? How does that define/limit his capabilities, especially when compared to the cloning and energy creation abilities of the two talent acts before him? Why is DNA manipulation and species creation not deemed impressive in this world?

April 7, 2021

“Witches” – NYC Midnight Short Story Submission 2021

One of my favorite past-times is to participate in flash fiction competitions through NYC Midnight. Each competitor is divided up into individual groups that are then assigned a specific genre, subject and character and then given a limited amount of time and words to create a cohesive short story. They have multiple types of contests, however the format is similar. I find it to be a fun little challenge and it gets my creative juices flowing.

For the first heat of this years competition I was given: genre – ghost story, subject – dancing, and character – an informant. The length was limited to 2,000 words and the time allotted to craft this entry was 3 days. While, I did not place in the top 5 of my group, and advance onto the next stage, I did at least earn a “third honorable mention.” So in my mind I got 8th place out of 28 other competitors. I am curious to know if I could or would have placed higher had I actually included ghosts in my “ghost story.” My interpretation of a “ghost story” is an other-worldly and spooky tale told around a campfire. It did not, for whatever reason, occur to me that the tale should in-fact contain a spiritual entity.

Below is the story I submitted and immediately following are the judges critiques. I feel their critical feedback is sound. However there were two points that I didn’t agree with, but it teaches me that next time I need to not be subtle with certain details, and really hammer the point home.

************

“Witches”

The word that witches had come to the hamlet of Milium spread through the village like a plague. The women gathered, adorned in their black dresses and white bonnets, in the muddy streets, to gossip about them in hushed tones.

“They only come out at night.”

“I heard they have magical abilities.”

“Not only that, but they eat children.”

“Not just the children.”

“They consume your flesh and soul so that they can wear it as their own.”

“They won’t stop until they get the entire village.”

The husbands weren’t taken as quickly by such prattle. They needed more than just rumors. As they worked in the tan wheat fields, the grain slapping at their waists, they shared their doubts. They chuckled at the absurdity as their scythes cut through the blades.

“But it’s true!”

“Elder Nixolas Venator was out on a hunt and stumbled upon a ritual circle in the woods.”

“There were animal carcasses.”

“Bones!”

“Blood!”

From the streets and the fields, the townspeople carried their worries through the week to the wooden pews. There they sat anxiously beneath the vaulted ceiling, before the towering pulpit, seething with anxiety.

Reverend Prandem attempted to ignore the shake and shivers of his flock; this is God’s time. It belonged to His worship. Try as he might to ignore them, one by one, they heaved their terror upon their spiritual leader.

“What of witches.”

“Why are they here?”

“They want to take us to hell!”

“Who here is a witch?”

“Show yourselves, you vile women!”

Reverend Prandem’s words cut through the chorus of voices.

“This is hallowed ground,” he leaned over his pulpit, gripping its edge, “In the house of the lord, no daughter of Satan would or could dare walk within.”

A high-pitched giggle punctured his words.

The townspeople got their feet, trembling as they looked for the source of the voice.

“Who was that? Did you hear who?”

“They’re far more powerful than we had thought.”

“We’re doomed!”

A chill ran up the Reverend’s body and clutched his heart. Listening to each line as it was hurled through the air, his thoughts spun into chaos. Sweat beaded on his brow.

“Silence, my brothers and sisters! Jesus Christ has all the power here. No need to fear. Now sit!”

There was a whisper of garments and murmur of creaks from pews as the congregation followed his order.

“I will get to the bottom of this.”

He stared out at the cluster of people.

“Who amongst us has any proof?”

A man and a woman stood, pointing to a frail man with straw hair and deep-set eyes. His gaunt face was etched in panic.

“Brother Venator, speak with me after the sermon.”

The man gulped and then nodded.

Those before him took the holy man’s plan of action and calmed, allowing the spiritual lessons that followed to pierce their hearts and souls. They left evermore glad than when they had arrived.

The two men converged in the quiet of the Reverend’s office, through a side door behind the pulpit. It was empty but for a desk and chair and a towering Bible resting on a pedestal. They stood before them.

“Brother Venator, I am thrusting upon you a holy quest,” the Reverend said.

Venator’s eyes doubled in size.

“You must be my informant. The Lord commands that you go to this font of wicked knowledge and bring back further proof and perhaps identities.”

“Reverend, I do not think that I am up to the task.”

“You must, for our safety. This incessant gossip has gotten out of hand.”

“Do you not believe that there are witches?”

“Did you not hear that unearthly sound during my sermon? Of course, I do.” He took a deep breath. “You witnessed proof of their existence. Go there, hide, and return to me your news. We must put a stop to it. Your testimony will bring the townsfolk resolve, and you will find your riches in heaven.”

The spiritual leader placed his hands on the edge of Venator’s shoulders.

“God will protect you. I give you His blessing.”

Nixolas Venator gathered up his coat, ax, blanket, and rations. His wife pecked him on the cheek and ushered him out into the woods as his heart pounded in his chest and echoed in his ears. Shivering, he forged the path until it ceased to exist and then wound his way through the briar and rock until he found his way to the clearing.

One would have missed it had they not been paying close attention. A ring of jagged stones cut the thicket from the clearing like talons. Dark earth and a smattering of pebbles filled the emptiness up to another circle of granite chunks in the center. Neither blood nor bone could be seen amongst the glade since he had last come upon it. Where it had gone, he did not know.

His eyes pierced through the dying light for any other entities, but he saw none.

Venator knew he had to work with haste as to not to be discovered. With careful haste, he trod lightly around the ritual grounds, as to not leave a print, and found a spot in the brush, just to the east. He made a hunter’s hiding place and waited.

For five nights, he did the same but witnessed nothing. Doubt crept into his thoughts, making him wonder if he had, in fact, seen the blood and bone. Perhaps it was his imagination. Maybe there were no witches after all.

At three in the morning, on the sixth night, Nixolas was awoken by a high-pitched giggle.

The brush about him shuddered as he sat upright. He peered through the leaves, and two rocks, at a fire that had been set in the middle ring.

His limbs went numb.

Six cloaked figures moved about the glade with their cowls over their head. From within the shadow of their hoods, they focused on the burning tips of the dried sprigs they held aloft. They made circular motions with them in the air, leaving behind a trail of serpentine smoke.

When each witch had passed by his view, they stopped and turned toward the fire.

A duo of drums erupted in the silence and beat a measured rhythm.

The figures swayed to it, from side to side, back forth, like a clock pendulum. And after each designated set, the tempo got faster. When it reached a furious throb, the witches kicked out their legs and threw out their hands. The movements were disjointed and unorganized.

The witches danced around the fire. They stabbed and cut through the night air.

The flames growing higher, filling the clearing with light and leaving everything beyond in shadow.

Another set of drummers joined the first two, deepening the rhythm. It was then that the figures shed their cloaks to reveal their naked, milky bodies beneath.

Nixolas instinctively averted his eyes from their sinfulness and blushed. As they were indeed not men. But he knew that he had to get their identities to save the village. He prayed a silent prayer for forgiveness before he turned back to their nude dancing. He squinted against the brightness of the flames as he tried to make out their faces, but the shadows cast by the flames danced across their facial features, changing them. They morphed from one to another. Ever shifting, never staying the same.

Brother Venator found it hard to breathe.

Another set of drums joined the chorus, and the witches started to chant. The words were garbled and guttural. Their voices bellowed from deep within their shapely bodies.

The flames got even taller, pouring out waves of heat over the circle.

The wind picked up, swaying the trees to the meter but not disturbing the growing conflagration.

The witches danced faster. Their movements were quick and sharp.

More drums joined. The percussion’s booms pierced Venator’s chest, taking hold of his heart and bending it to conform.

The chants grew louder until they were shrieking into the night—their words gibberish to the lone man’s ears.

Suddenly a bone-chilling scream silenced the chants and the dancers ceased their number, with their heads bowed. Nixolas convulsed.

The fire stretched up toward the night sky until it birthed from it an unearthly form. It took a step out of the flames with cloven feet. Two horns spiraled from the shaggy mane of hair that threatened to consume his flat face.

As he lifted a long bony arm that came to an end in long black talons, the women fell to the earth before him. They moaned in ecstasy.

His two pure black eyes, dissected with a long, thin, white pupil, surveyed those around him and up into the shadows of where Nixolas hid.

The devil sneered at him with dagger-like fangs.

The wind howled through the trees and extinguished the flames, submerging the clearing in total darkness.

The gusts had pummeled against the church for hours, whistling through the cracks in the structure, as Reverend Prandem worked diligently on this week’s sermon. His quill scratched

feverishly against the parchment, spewing forth his holy words of salvation and the promise of paradise—the time lost into the blackness of the night.

A slow, measured knock pulsed from the door of his study, pulling him from his work.

He set his quill to the desk and rushed to open the door.

In the flickering candlelight, he found Venator’s form in the doorway. His head tilted forward and a broad smile on his lips.

“Come in,” he said, stepping aside, “What news have you?”

The man entered the room.

His voice was calm as he told him the details of what had transpired.

“Who were these women?”

“Get a paper,” Venator said.

The Reverend hustled around his desk, brushed aside his former notes to grab an unblemished piece of paper. He picked up his quill and waited.

“Genevieve Pater.”

The Reverend wrote the name in curling script.

“Charlotte Filius.”

The quill scratched on the paper.

“Seamus Prandem.”

The pastor stopped halfway through writing his own name. He looked up slowly into the face of a goat-man with black eyes. The creature bowed his head and charged.

**************

JUDGES FEEDBACK

”Witches” by Joshua Hensley –

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY –

{2124} “Witches” brims with visceral description. Lines like “as his heart pounded in his chest and echoed in his ears” and “The witches danced around the fire. They stabbed and cut through the night air” evoke a dark, frantic mood throughout the story. It’s easy to see why the whole village fears the witches, especially Venator. The ending feels fitting and deliciously grim.

{1970} I think that you have delivered everything a spooky tale reader would love. As I read “Witches” I found myself quite satisfied with the period feel and way the characters relate to each other. The pervasive, oppressive nature of old school religious dogma and strict belief is palpable. Thanks for that, it makes for a gripping tale. I feel for Nixolas as he is sent out, reluctant in is task, to find proof that witches are indeed in town. Chilling tale, thanks.

{1772} The story has a frightening premise that turns from a quest of religious fervor to a darker supernatural tale. Venator has a clear goal to shape his characters. Vivid detail and action bring the plot to life.

WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK –

{2124} It’s clear that the witches in this story are powerful and threaten the community. What’s less clear is why this matters. Should the readers care that this town could be annihilated? Are the identities of the witches important? If not, what core emotion or idea is this story trying to convey beyond a good fright? Is it related to the priest’s perceived security and power? Consider what ideas you want to further explore in this story, how they mesh with the dialogue and description already present, and what details you could weave in to further bring them out.

{1970} I’m not so sure that this story needs work. You’ve checked off so many boxes. It would be nice to know why the couple stood a point specifically to Nixolas, why did they choose him for the task, what proof does he have? This is a bit confusing because the reverend asks who has proof, the couple points to Nixolas, he’s not happy about it, and then he is sent to find proof. He doesn’t have it already. Anyhoo, this said, it’s a chilling story, so thanks again.

{1772} To help the resolution feel fully earned, it might be worth further exploring Prandem and Venator. At what lengths are they willing to go to find the witches? Do they have ulterior motives? By giving them more inner needs or conflicts, it might help to add another layer to their characters and the plot. For example, Prandem might struggle with a personal wish to rid himself of the women in absence of witchcraft.