As I traverse this sea of despair I was just slammed with a rogue wave. It crashed over the side of my ship and I and scrambling to stay afloat.

Maybe that’s more theatrical than I meant it to be… but it applies. I’m sad. Deeply forlorn. I just want to text him to talk me through it but… unless I got a magic cell phone that’s not possible.

I’ve started talking to him out loud. I’ve come under the belief that after death we reach a higher dimension of existence where we can move back and forth through time to see how all of our loved ones lives turn out. Overcome by this delusion I think that I’m speaking to him observing my life. (Always gotta make it about me.) Charlie was such a curious person with so many questions that if there is a remote possibility that my fantasy is true he would do it. And I don’t want him to think for a second that I wouldn’t want him to be apart of those moments.

Just to clarify to any of whom may read this and worry I’m slipping into a psychosis… potentially. However I know he’s not really there and I know I’m just talking to myself. It is just nice to pretend. Takes the sting out of it. I even go so far as to “look at him” because we would make eye contact when we heard or witnessed the most absurd things.

I miss my side eye buddy.