I feel as though I’m a broken record skipping and popping over the same fucking track, depression. For once I am regularly taking my meds. I’m not drinking, which with Lexapro is an issue because it makes it leave my system. Yet regardless of my taking it daily I am still sad. Well… not frequently. The swings are just giant arcs from one feeling to the next. Today’s seems to be the worst.

In addition to the sadness I am also riddled with anxiety. It is sitting like a bowling ball at the top of my stomach distracting me from thinking of anything else. What adds to this anxiety is this morning my husband appeared weak. Weaker than he has been the past few days. Now I can only compare this same feeling of anxiety to the day I felt the same, when we got his diagnosis.

I am sure it is nothing. It could be a great number of things causing these feelings. The primary one being, the meds aren’t working or are not strong enough to combat the level of my mental illness. I would much rather up the dosage than have to return to the parade of drugs that cause me more irritation than the last.

To ward off any further anxiety regarding my husband, I will just finish up at the office and work from home. I don’t like doing that because I will inevitably get pulled away from my work to do some task or I will have access to a whole pantry filled with food that I have (evidently) set as my task to devour before the end of the week.