It has become abundantly clear, as of late, that I really don’t know how to handle my emotions. At all. The moment something stressful occurs I do 1 of 2 things. I either stuff my face with some kind of sugary goodness or I buy something. Sometimes I’ll do both if the rush of one wasn’t enough to pale the emotional anguish.

On some level I have always known this about myself. When I was a kid I would sit down in front of the tv with a family size bag of chips and finish them in one sitting. I was a tremendously unhappy kid. I could not take any kind of rejection because I have always been my most authentic self. Well… apart from the years where I was a careless liar who would spew the most ridiculous whoppers. But I’m getting off track.

It’s been that way when I was cheating and holding in secrets, it’s been that way when I moved in with my parents like a failure, and it’s been that way when I worked in a highly negative environment with the most toxic and terrible coworkers.

But I was poor then, so food was the easiest fix to attain. Thankfully.

Now I have “adult money” and an inability to tell myself no when the mood strikes.

Example… there was this retired Viking ship LEGO set that I wanted to accompany the “Viking village” I purchased. It is a 3 in 1 and I told myself that I shouldn’t buy it. It was Amazon for $140. I could buy newer, cooler sets for that amount of cash. So I ignored the purchase.

Then I was doing something for my husband and the panic/stress set in and I bought it without a moments hesitation. It should be here tomorrow, hopefully.

One of the things both my husband and brother-husband are concerned about is my turning into a hoarder. I freely and willingly admit that I have a tendency to pack away useless crap. Oh yes. Through the years after accepting this character flaw I’ve gotten better about it. But now it seems to be growing.

The boys are concerned because most, if not all of the stories the hoarders on the show tell, are that they never got over a traumatic episode whether it be a death, disappearance, rape etc. These people started to accumulate shit to fill an emotional void. I’m doing that. Right now. I’m buying up Lego and trading cards like they’re going out of business.

I’m just going crazy. Legitimately, certified coocoo. And I can’t escape it.