Sometimes I wonder if life is just attempting to cobble together something that looks like happiness. Like it never will ever be everything you want it to be, but it can resemble something like what one would imagine. I say that because… everything in my life has always been that way. I’ve always given up something I wanted because it was a misshapen piece and didn’t fit in. Even now as the world around me is utter shut I’m just stringing together minuscule joys to find some sense of peace. Yet even those are nothing when faced with the overwhelming reality of EVERYTHING.

There is no escape from it. And even when one ends I am SURE there will be something even shittier waiting on the other side of this mountain.

I try and have some fucking perspective because… this is bad but not as bad as things could be. I’m trying to ground myself by thinking of what every Palestinian is going through. And try as I may I will NEVER understand. The chaos and cruelty they are enduring is beyond comprehension.