I’m in one of those moods where I would love to write something deeply emotional and profound. What that would look like I have no clue. Truly there is and are no original thoughts anymore. Especially coming from me. I only ever seem to regurgitate thoughts from the greats, just not as dazzling.

My self flagellation isn’t very attractive, but I’m also in a headspace where I want to push everyone away. It happens whenever I get a whiff of perceived slights. This has been occurring with more frequency lately. I imagine it is due to my depression over charlie’s passing. My threshold of resilience has significantly lowered. I just don’t have the energy to persevere. So, I fall to my tired tropes of isolation. Only in it do I find solace. Well, that or I realize how ridiculous I’m acting and I can emerge mildly humbled.

I’ve decided that I want to shrink my social circle. I just don’t have the capacity to maintain relationships. My heart aches every day in very subtle ways. Only today did it occur to me. Without my husband I just feel hollow. I feel lost. Apathetic. Indifferent.

I’ve just realized that I don’t really mean anything to anyone, other than what I can give them. Then I just feel like all I do is disappoint them with what I can.