Where Do the Details Go

There is something wrong with my mind. More precisely, my memory. I have been one who could recall names, places, faces, and facts without any trouble. It was like my mind was a rolodex and all I had to do was give it a spin and I would land on just the right information every time. Yet lately it seems likes these mundane facts have left me coming up empty.

The one that frightens me the most is facts and details of things I myself have created, yet cannot recall. For whatever reason I started recounting all of the different “lands” I’ve created while writing stories, and I could remember all except one. To this very minute I still cannot tell you what the name of it is, and for this particular series I fleshed out an entire thousand year history that culimanated into the events of my short story turned novel. At one time that was something I knew in intricate detail. Now I can’t even tell you where all of this fictional bullshit took place.

I am aware of how overdramatic I sound. This is not a real cause for concern. But dealing with my mother’s rapid slide into dementia, I have become hypser sensitive over the slightest change in my own memory recall. It leaves me asking am I too going to suffer from this disease? Or worse, is this something external that is not only fueling my mother’s memory loss but now having an affect on me?

I am sure the answer to this is a simple one. My sudden missing mental notes are due to either age or just overall stress. Lately I have come under a lot in regards to my dad’s sudden an unexpected death, and my mother’s mental collapse and unrelated health issues.  I’m sure (and hope) that once all of these things have calmed and my mind is at peace these details will return to me and I will be just as sharp with my mundane facts as I ever was.

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2 thoughts on “Where Do the Details Go

  1. I understand your fear. I hope this is just a passing symptom for you. I sincerely hope your stress levels reduce soon.

    I’m Lindsay, 52 in a month and there are times like today that I spent lots of time looking for the things I know, I made or I planned, but my mind kept returning blanks. In 3 weeks I will be flying 3 hours south to visit a friend and then look after their animals and house while they visit the US for a month. I KNEW I was going somewhere soon but for the life of me could not think where. And it was important to a conversation that started this morning and needed to be resolved – when should the mother-in-law come and visit us at home – but nothing. Six hours later, I surrendered and looked at my calendar and could have happily smacked myself in the head for not remembering.

    Sadly, I admit this is not a unique incident. From big things to small, memory is a daily struggle. Making instant coffee can take me close to an hour for the fact I cannot remember what to do, i.e. the basics: take cup from cupboard and place near kettle; put water in kettle; turn kettle on; retrieve instant coffee (decaf) and raw sugar from pantry and put them near the cup; open cutlery draw; etc, etc. I can stand in the kitchen for 20 minutes just trying to remember I need a cup.

    My paternal grandmother died with dementia in a nursing home that was closer to Arkham Asylum from Batman comics. Both my parents are currently showing signs of significant memory dysphoria but refuse to be tested for dementia at this stage.

    I have been tested, twice, two different neurologists and am told that my situation is caused by lack of deep sleep, something my new fitness tracker confirms. Unfortunately, dep sleep is something that doesn’t come easy when you are stressed or in pain.

    My wish for you is a refreshing deep slumber and hopefully a fully reinstated memory.

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