The magician

I really hate that I tend to read into things that truly have no meaning, other than the ones that are projected onto them. For instances, palmistry, tarot cards, psychic advice, fortune cookies. All of it is meaningless and has no real bearing on your actual life, but here I am buying up stock in this bullshit like it’s Apple. I attribute it to my need to find meaning in life due in part to my lack of faith. (Or that I am just human.) I want to know what I am, who I am, what role I play, and where I am going. Thus I look to the supernatural.

Instagram has this user created feature where it scans your face and then gives you different results like: what Harry Potter house you belong to or what character from Mean Girls you are. As they have been so ridiculous I have never felt any need to do them, also coupled with the fact that I am pretty sure it’s just another way to steal your identity.

For the most part I have held off participating in this fad. Yet today there was one that finally hooked me, and the result of which has now consumed my thoughts to a concerning level.

The one that finally got me was “what is your tarot card” which consists of an entire deck of tarot cards (right side up and upside down) and after it was done (stealing your identity) it gave you a single card.

What it doesn’t say is if this card is supposed to represent you specifically or if it’s a card for the future.

What I keep trying to tell myself is that in the end it is just a program that runs through its algorithm to arrive at the card that it does. It has absolutely no meaning, it’s just a fun little game to play. Yet even after I’ve repeated this multiple times I still cannot shake the dread that has consumed me.

The card I was given was “the magician” reversed. After I did a little research, what it is supposed to mean is that someone is trying to deceive me, or is pretending to care about me when they are just using me for personal gain.

The thing I am obsessing over is, is this supposed to mean I am a magician who is manipulating people for my personal gain or is it someone else? Who among those in my life is deceiving me?

In the end it means absolutely nothing. It’s just a fun feature to distract the masses as the world around us burns. But I don’t want to be a deceiver who uses others for my own desire, nor do I want someone to do that to me.

But maybe that’s what I am. The boyfriend got “the sun” card reversed which means that he should find his self worth. Maybe this is a sign.


Moral of the story is I should have maintained my Instagram ban.

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