Perceived Insignifcance

It’s weird the things you remember. For me there are moments that, while they were occurring, didn’t seem like anything significant but in fact were. I’d even go so far to say, life altering. It was as if my brain operates on an entirely different wavelength and knows, without letting me know, that this is something worth retaining.

I vividly remember the day I met the man who would one day be my husband. I mean down to the tiniest of details. Yet, I don’t know what was so significant for me, because initially the only reason I was meeting with him was as a quick fuck. He was exceptionally desireable at the time because the man who had just dumped me was super into him, but because that guy was the polar opposite of my husband’s type he never gave my ex the time of day. I had decided (being ever the truest scorpio) to meet with my soon to be husband for a quick fling as an insult to my, then, most recent relationship.

As it turned out we didn’t even do anything sexual. All we did was kiss and I left that night (abosolutely convinced) that I would never see him again. This is why I find it odd that I even retained any of the pertinent details of the story. For all I had assumed, it was over. So why take the time to commit it to memory?

The same could be said about the boyfriend. Again, it was an assumed “limited moment.” Yet, despite my then belief I have held onto the details of our meeting. The same cannot be said for the countless other chance encounters. The moments were had and then they moved into the darkest parts of my memory, never to be seen again.

Is it something where we keep every memory inside of our minds and when these things begin to transform into something significant that it grows into an entirely different brain cell? Like we remember getting that coffee a week ago, but because nothing happened we just just store it in some mental drawer? But, say the barista who happened to grab and hand me my coffee turned out to be the man who would save my life, would I remember the mundane meeting?

It is probably different for everyone. Most don’t have a sharp memory that (more often than not) is observing and retaining that which they experience on an insane level. (Well, when I’m not in a mental fog from emotional trauma.) It’s odd, because every one of my home inspections, I remember. Like if I look at the photos in my workfile my brain will run a mini film in which flashes of the full inspection will play like a film.

I’d like to pretend that I am some kind wunderkinde, but I’m most likely not. My mind just tends to dwell too long on the past, the present, and the imagined future. One time someone described me as being “cerebral” and I don’t think any truer statement had (or has) ever been said to me.

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