I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I keep having to re-learn the same lesson over and over again. Social media is a blight on society. For me especially so, because I get to see what and how my family thinks. And what I have learned is that they are fucking idiots.

I have a nurse cousin who is now an anti-vaxxer. Like… You work in a field that uses science every day to save lives. How can you sit there and tell me that you shouldn’t get a vaccine? Why are you even a nurse? Do you like caring for people who could have avoided their trip to the ER (where you fucking work) by just getting a shot? That’s it. Nope. Instead she’s pushing the idea of choice. Well, people make stupid choices. Clearly.

Upon seeing her post I wanted to write out some long drawn out bullshit in response but I chose to not do that. I don’t need to alienate even more of my family. I’ve come pretty close with my newly found niece. She’s given me way more chances than I probably deserve with how militant I am about getting vaccinated.

Instead of directly responding to the said post, I wrote a passive aggressive one that would have been on my own personal page. I typed it out to say: “If I do get covid, I fully intend to not wear a mask. Nor will I socially distant in any capacity. I will continue going about my life as if nothing is wrong. Because, y’know, my body, my choice.”

However, as I hovered over the “submit” button I paused and realized that niece… And the chances. While it is something I do feel, it’s not very becoming. I then look like the monster because people lack the intelligence and comprehension to understand I am making a point.

So, instead, I am back to “socially distancing” from my idiotic family.

I am just so over the world. It is filled with the stupidest people, and after seeing that post I truly lost all hope. Like I am officially done living. I’m exhausted. I have nothing left in me to give.

The thing that drives me the most crazy is how to get people to care about something or to stop listening to bullshit. These are intelligent people and they allow the “fear” of the unknown to keep them from taking something that could and will save their life. Everyone’s life. Yeah, children don’t die of covid, but the people who care for them CAN AND DO. Do you really want to run the risk of your children being orphans because wearing a mask gives them anxiety?

I just want to scream.

If I didn’t have my husband to look after I genuinely would end it all. Everything is hopeless. Life is hopeless. We’re careening toward a world I legitimately want no part of. In the end it would be better of without me. Because, as it is, I offer nothing of substance. I am insignificant.

ANYWAY! Just letting off some steam by sharing the “crazy.” Keep in mind, I have no plan or intention to take my life. (At least, not yet.)

That was ominous… Just focus on the: “I have no plan.”