Midnight ramblings

It really sucks that none of my family have the same political beliefs as me. Not one. They’re all “rah-rah America”/“blue lives matter” assholes. I’ve only ever felt like I do not belong in my family and this only makes it worse. I’ve said it time and time again, but here is one more: when my mother dies I’m going to not have anything to do with my family. We don’t talk. We don’t do anything. They don’t invite me to anything. There is no reason for my presence to exist in any of their spaces.

I just feel so alone. I really wish my parents had had more than just one fucking kid. I could have someone to help me with all of this bullshit, instead of it AAAAAAAAALL resting on my shoulders. And what makes it worse is I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT. And what do I do when I have absolutely zero desire? I procrastinate.

Then to add insult to injury every fucking time I try to knock something off my list, every task is then preceded by all this other fucking bullshit. Every goddamn time. I just want to scream.

The one person I would or could rely on to help me is dying and can’t do shit. And instead of helping I have to help him. I just don’t know what to do. That‘a a lie. I know what I have to do. I have to do all of this shit. Alone. It’s just when will it get done.

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