This legitimately made me laugh out loud. You hacked my website, huh? And… What? Are you going to leak all of my whiny/emo posts that are already open for public scrutiny? Oh no! Whatever will I do?

Please, don’t tell my friends and family members that I’m in a polyamorous relationship?! Even when my website is open to the public. Will you send them the public link to the post where I explain, in detail, about my infidelity?

Are my secrets out?!

Whatever shall I do!?