This is the first time I’ve ever put a title at the very start. Usually I will write out whatever it is that sits at the back of my mind and go from there. However this is a quote that is, one, very nerdy; but two, very true.

Before Charlie passed away he asked me if I was going to marry Josh when he was gone. At the time I was so hesitant to tell him yes. Instead I opted for some vague and uncertain, but always pointing to yes. I didn’t want him to think that our marriage wasn’t the one that meant everything to me or that he was replaceable. “Well, this husband is gone. Time to plug in a new one.”

My response was, Probably, why do you ask?

He responded first with that the cat was curled up next to him, which he loved. And genuine proof of his ADHD.

Then he said, just curious. I want you to be happy. If he can do that, I support it.

I should have responded with, “he does.” but instead we went off on a tangent about the cat. He made a comment about taking her with him. Which he didn’t do, but he did take both of the pups with him, shortly after his passing. They couldn’t live without him either, I guess.

In 10 days we are going to get married. We already bought our rings, which we couldn’t afford, but you want them to be monumental. I bought a ring that will sit on top of Charlie’s. Josh is always supportive of my love/life with him and what we had… I don’t know how I got so lucky twice. Genuinely.

At times I feel so utterly, unbelievably lucky, and others I feel so cursed. It’s the nature of life I suppose and what you choose to focus on. I’d rather look at how the horrible things in my life have literally led to the best parts.

My plan for our eventual nuptials was to have a proposal on his half birthday, May 2, and then get married some time in the fall or whenever after. I joked and thought that getting married on November 3rd, between our two birthdays, would have been kind of fun. But that also would have been entirely too close to Charlie’s and my anniversary, November 1st. (He wanted to get married on a day he would be able to remember.)

However, even with the plan, life has a different way of working out as the last five years would absolutely attest. So we are pushing it up.

On March 26th there will officially be two Joshua Hensleys in the world.