“Looking out a dirty old window…”

There was an article I read once that said that we tend to rewatch movies and tv shows we’ve already seen because there are no unknowns and in that knowledge it brings us a sense of comfort. I subconsciously knew that before I had read the article but it was nice to get confirmation. My whole life I’ve rewatched the shit out of films. I would drive my father crazy with how many times I viewed Jurassic Park or Beauty and the Beast. “How can you watch them so many times?” Because they’re awesome, dad.

Lately things have been rough. For everyone unfortunately. And some more than others. Today I had had enough with twitter. I can’t take all the news, the protests, and the outrage. It’s exhausting. (And I understand that’s coming from a place of privilege.) So, I took a step back today from the social media platform for the foreseeable future or whenever I get the urge to be angry again.

Lately my rage has been off the charts. My husband is scared what it’s doing to me and to him. He’s concerned that I’m a rageaholic and he’s not wrong. I relish the power it gives me, even if it’s fleeting and makes me look and sound insane. I am by nature a control freak. I took that old adage of “if you want something done right…” very seriously to heart. And right now I have NO CONTROL over the world and where it’s going. Everyday it’s something new and more upsetting/terrifying than the moment prior. Twitter, unfortunately, magnifies this, which stands to reason that stepping away lessens its hold.

Tonight as a way of coping I jumped onto Netflix and rewatched one of my all time favorite movies, Clueless. The moment the music of “Kids in America” crescendos through the speakers and I hear the first pieces of Cher’s dialogue I was overcome with peace. I found myself quoting it even though my last rewatch was when I was 14. (I’m 34 btw.) It brought back so many memories of my youth, a time I wish I could go back and recapture.

I was once again hooked.

As the bright neon end credits consumed the screen, to the tune of “Tenderness,” all I wanted to do was watch it again. Immediately. Which I did.

The bizarre thing was, as it started back at the beginning, I began to devise ways to have this movie constantly playing in my orbit, like a slow drip morphine of nostalgia. What I devised was to use my work’s WiFi and just have it playing on my earbuds, as I type up my reports. I’ve seen it so many times that I don’t even have to look at the screen to know what’s goings on. I see the movie in my mind’s eye.

If you’re struggling right now may I recommend taking a moment to watch an old favorite movie or show. Don’t concern yourself with your phone and just sit in the presence of your chosen film and all that comes with it.

3 thoughts on ““Looking out a dirty old window…”

  1. I’m queuing up Star Trek: Deep Space Nine as I write. My favorite TV show. Thank you for the soothing words.

  2. May I also suggest the following website (I’ve used it for years)?


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