My Tin-Foil is Showing

I am such a paranoid and suspicious person by nature. Whenever anyone young and attractive shows me any attention my immediate response is “what do you want from me?” Or if anyone ends up following me longer than 4 blocks my “logical” response is that they’re after me. (I have had someone legitimately follow me because I had taken a picture of his house for my job.) So, whenever I witness something out of the ordinary, in a pattern, I begin to panic.

My husband, lately, has had balance issues. Bad ones. He’s fallen a few times, one in which gave him a concussion. To me it’s getting worse, but for him it’s getting better. And that deeply concerns me. Primarily because it makes me think of my mother (in the descent of dementia) who will tell me the same thing and I want to respond with “no it definitely is not.”

This trump ramp/water glass thing initiated my husband to remark “he looks like what I have.” And I agree. It does. But it also looks like what happened with my dad. And that ended up killing him because he fell at the wrong place and wrong time.

Another factor that concerns me is that he, his mother, and I have had similar symptoms where we are dizzy or light headed. She had vertigo the other day and I start to get lightheaded if I scroll through my phone too quickly. All of this plays into my paranoia/suspicion that we are all suffering from the same sort of “disease.”

This is where I really put on a tin foil hat and I know that. At least I am aware of how crazy it sounds but I can’t shake the feeling that we’re all suffering from something we’ve contracted. Maybe even my mother. And I include her because she entered this at the snap of the fingers and while she is seeing things and all around kind of kooky at times, her memory is sharp as a tack.

My insanity really jumps out when I think that my husband has had 8 MRIs and still has no diagnosis. But it is VERY obvious that there is something wrong. Unless of course he’s putting on a show, but he isn’t that good of actor nor is he a liar. He’s annoyingly honest at times. So, these symptoms with no diagnosis even though the examination and study has been don’t, is all the more concerning.

This is all just drivel and I’m about 40% serious in what I write, but it’s freaking me out. Everyone I know or love has some sort of physical failing. Especially my close inner circle. (Thankfully they boyfriend doesn’t have similar symptoms.) And all I can ask is “am I next?” (Side note my knee has now started giving away inexplicably. So. Fun.)

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