Fuck my life

And here we are. After all the tests and the wondering, we finally have an answer for my husband’s ailments. He has motor neuro disease. For those not in the know it’s a cousin to ALS. Just not a close enough family member to get invited to the family picnics.

I’m still in utter shock. I want to scream. I want to cry. But none of that is going to change the reality of the situation. Like my husband said, the only thing that’s changed is that we have a name for it. It was already happening.

So, in addition to watching my mother die of Alzheimer’s, I get the pleasure of doing the same for my husband. More proof to me that life is cold and cruel with no meaning or purpose to what transpires. There is no god and if there is, he’s wanking it as he’s watching my and my family’s misery.

Nothing makes you appreciate today like knowing it may be your last.

I still find it odd that the one class I took at community college, and got a B in, (my only B and I graduated summa) has been the most influential in my life. It’s shown me so much about death and what it looks like. It truly prepared me for the shit storm I was sailing into the eye of.

Hug your loved ones and don’t take any moment for granted, because it may be your last.

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