I said it a prior post, but for some reason since my trip from London (listen to me, “since” it’s been 4 days) I’ve felt very different. I don’t know what it is, but I want my life to be different. I in particular want to be someone else.
When I sit down to define exactly what that is I come up with only a couple items. For one, I want to be thinner. Although, the way I’ve been eating the past few days you wouldn’t know that. I don’t understand the root of my sudden ravenousness, but regardless it needs to stop. The second is, I want to be published. This one in particular isn’t as cut and dry. It takes preparation and planning. It takes fucking dedication, which as of late hasn’t really been me. I will find every excuse in the book not to sit down and write. My reasons get worse when I read my novel and see how much work it needs. But, even as I say that I don’t even know if that’s a true statement. For all I know I am building it up in my head to be worse than it is, thus giving me a reason not to do it. “There is just so much to do.”
I recently purchased Amy Poehler’s novel “Yes Please” in audiobook and have been listening to it. Just in the preface her words spoke to me like none others I have ever read or heard before. She talked about how difficult writing is and equated the process to pregnancy. Her words were much more eloquent whereas mine are not.
I need to stop making excuses. The only way the thing is going to get done is if I do it. I just need to write a little bit everyday and before I know it, it’ll be finished.
I want to be a different person. I want to change everything about me. I want to burst into flame and arise from the ashes anew. I can feel my cheeks flushing.