As is customary, I sit on the edge of one year overlooking into the next and I am overcome with reflection. It has truly been one of immense change and growth. It was this time last year that my husband and I had hit a very rough, rocky patch. For the life of me I cannot recall where I was New Year’s Eve. I never do though. More than likely we were at his sisters and we would ring it in after someone happened to notice “oh, yeah, Happy New Year.” (I just remembered, we did exactly this. Then I watched as her and my cousin-in-law got high.)
The months prior to that moment were tumultuous for my husband and I. After catching each other on Grindr, we discussed opening our relationship, as opposed to getting a divorce or separating. In turn, that lead both of us to bring two men into our orbit. He got himself a boyfriend and so did I. Yet we have maintained our relationship since. With this new reality brought a lot of truth to the surface.
In February we took a trip to visit his father in Palm Springs (which I find even more coincidental because it was when he went there during thanksgiving that I caught him on the app) and while out drinking he opened up to me about all of his secrets. Instead of being angry I was so overcome with relief that I treasure that night like a precious stone. My therapist has since said that I do it because it was a moment of vulnerability and intimacy. She’s right. It was something I had craved for so long. We had closed off to each other from any real emotion or truth. Since then it has been nothing but honesty, with me still having to fight old habits of keeping things to myself.
At the tail end of March the boyfriend and I made it official and we weren’t just casually hanging out.
Since then it has been one giant experiment. We’ve all hung out together. Even went on a weekend away in Vegas, for my husband’s birthday. Everything, for me at least, has been good.
I know there are people who question the longevity of this. Me being one of them, at times. What this year has taught me is that nothing is set in stone and nothing is ever what you think it’ll be. I have no idea where any of this is going (especially this blog) but I am thankful for the ride. I have the best co-pilots on this journey. They are the most patient and caring men that I feel I do not deserve. I am truly the luckiest man.