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November 18, 2014

Jet lag misery

For some reason I value friendships with more value than family. I think it’s because that friends choose to be in your life whereas family is stuck with you whether they like you or not. It could also be because I’ve never felt as though I belonged in my family. Although I’m beginning to think everyone feels that way, or at least in my family. We’re just a herd of black sheep.

One of my biggest problems growing up is when I make friends I want them to get to know my other friends so we can all be one big groups of companions. What inevitably ends up happening is that these two friends will find themselves way more compatible without me there and they end up doing things without me. It’s happened countless times over my life and it makes me overly cautious. Yet even still I introduce my friends and the same thing occurs. I just never learn.

My husband thinks that how I’m reacting to the current friends doing the same is somehow proof that I care more about them than him, and it’s just not the case. And I wish there was a way I could convey that, but even when I explain my reasoning it doesn’t sink in.

What’s amazing is I found someone with just as little self esteem as myself. And one would think that would mean I would immediately know how to tread these waters, but I don’t.

In the end all I can think is that these friends will do what all the others have done. I guess my husband is right, I expect entirely too much from people. I need to lower the bar to a point where maybe rainwater can get in. Otherwise the only person’s opinion that matters is my husbands. I don’t want him to get hurt…

I get so wrapped up in my own emotions that I forget that another person requires love and affection. God, I’m so selfish sometimes.

October 23, 2014

Breaking Bad Ball Busting Bitch

I don’t understand how some people feel the need to control the lives of others. They think their opinion is so right that everyone must change to what they want and what they think is right.  It gets old.  I just wish those people would accept that there is such a thing as free will.

My rant comes to you in the form of some ‘lady’ (lady by the way is my PG way of saying bitch) that felt Toys ‘R’ Us should immediately stop the sale of Breaking Bad action figures. (http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/22/living/breaking-bad-toys-r-us/index.html) Her reasoning (toward the end of the article) is that kids emulate their action figures.  Okay, here is the idiocy in that statement.  Not taking into consideration that if you don’t want your kid to pretend to be a diabolical man that makes meth and calls himself Heisenberg just DON’T buy it, why in the hell would your child be watching Breaking Bad to begin with?  What kind of messed up mother are you where you let your child watch a program about a meth dealer that steals and murders without remorse.  If you do, you really need to evaluate your priorities.

So, considering she doesn’t let her kids watch the show (cause, you know, she’s a good mother and vigilant citizen) how would your child even know who Jesse and Walter White are?! Why would they emulate them in any fashion?! If that’s your reasoning, stop selling dolls that include: freddy, darth vader, darth maul, darth sidious, Kobra, Decepticons, or any other villain of any other children’s franchise, because they are just as bad.  And one may argue that “those characters are fantasy,” well so is Breaking Bad.

And finally… A PETITION? This lady gets that Toys ‘R’ Us is a privately owned and operated company and not a government agency.  So what, you found 9,000 other people with sticks up their ass that have nothing better to do during the day than to complain about pieces of plastic.   I mean… do these dolls come with a sample of meth?  Are they so advanced that the project the show continuously through projectors via the doll’s eyes?

Which brings me back to my intial point, why do people feel the need to control what is and isn’t available? Under no circumstance would a child know about Breaking Bad so fearing they would pretend to be meth dealers is preposterous. Just worry about you and your own family.  Obviously this lady needs to get laid or something… Someone give her some meth.

October 15, 2014

Layaway money

I am MOO-DY today. More than I have been in some time. The money I was counting on for London was tied up in my stocks. Back in September I wanted to sell them and get the cash then but my husband told me not to because I would “spend it.” Typically when I set aside money for something I won’t touch it, but I listened to him and left it in there until it got closer to trip time.

Since that time my stocks have taken a hard dive and when I could have had almost $2,000 to take with me on our trip, I now have $1,500. That is some bull shit. I should have done it when I wanted.

Although the thing that sucks about the stock market: no one ever knows. I thought it’d keep going up. At this point I am very aware that is a terrible assumption. Now I don’t want to sell it at all. I want to make back the money I lost. Yet, again, it’s all a gamble.

October 10, 2014

London 2.0 is right around the corner

My husband’s and my trip to London is only 21 days away and I cannot wait. My mind has already started whirling with what we will do there, will it be as fun as it was last time, and how will we afford it. We bought our tickets back when my husband’s business was doing better than it is now and were in a more financially stable situation. At this point in time… not so much. But, we can’t get a refund for our tickets… they’re already bought and paid for so we might as well just enjoy the trip.

Our plan is to try and do London on the cheap. We’ve already accepted it’ll be a lot of “fast food” like Burger King, which happens to be across the street from our hotel, and a lot of just walking around neighborhoods “site seeing.” Sounds pathetic, but I imagine that’s where a lot of the fun will happen. In all of our trips it’s the stuff we’ve done off the beaten path where our stories have sprouted from. For instance, last year we went to a chalk mine that billed itself to be very historical. We toured these twisting and turning tunnels by this tiny old man I was certain would get us lost in the dark or kill us. At one point he took our gas lamps away from us and left us in complete silence, beneath a carving that was supposed to be a druid sacrificial alter (which it was not, by the way). Then he walked back to us talking slowly. I was reminded of Sméagol in the Hobbit.

This go around there is only one thing I have to-have to do and that is go to Oxford. I would particularly like to do it on my birthday. My main purpose is to visit the grave of C. S. Lewis, my idol and the man who inspired me to be a writer. Other than that… I’m basically just along for the ride.