Thoughts are buzzards and my brain a carcass

Obsession fuels my every thought.  Any and all action I do comes from the constant nagging at the back of my mind about some topic.  For instance, recently, I have been obsessed on the decision of whether to ditch my iPhone and get the Nokia 1520.  After some repetitive thoughts and madness I have finally concluded that I will move on to the Nokia.  I’ve had the iPhone for so long and I just want a change. 

I used to be a nokia only man.  I had the 3300 back in the day.  You know, the big grey bar thing with the green lit screen?  Yeah, that one.  Fucking loved the thing.  The first time I ever ventured out of the nokia realm was to attempt a go at the Pink Motorolla phone and that lasted about a day before I ditched it altogether.  I may be proud of my gay agenda but I do draw a line.  Plus it didn’t really fit me.  So I returned the phone and back into the arms of my Finish company.  I thought they made a good product.  It wasn’t until the iPhone came along that I dropped nokia and went over to apple.  And I was happy.  Still am as a matter of fact. I don’t see anything wrong with the iPhone.  It does what it’s meant to do. Well.

Besides annoying myself with my own obsessive thoughts I’ve dragged my husband into them also.  He doesn’t quite understand where this obsession stems from, other than the fact that I invested in Microsoft stock and since have been hitching my horse to their wagon; besides that I have come to the conclusion that if I happen to have the Nokia 1520, that comes with office preinstalled, I will have no more excuses to why my novel isn’t finished or even being worked on.  The hubby doesn’t seem to buy it and doesn’t think I’ll use it for that at all.  And he may be right, but then again he may be wrong. 

Speaking of writing, I don’t know if I blogged it here or not (I have so many different sites for expression) but I came up with a new plan of attack for my novel.  Because as I thought of my inactivity and fear I worked backward to see where they stemmed from and discovered it could just be due to the fact that I am overwhelmed with the size of the project.  It’s a huge undertaking.  As of right now my manuscript (untouched of course) stands at a little over 60,000 words.  That’s a lot.  And when I sit to begin editing I think of how huge the document is and panic.  Then I have a nervous breakdown and stop working on it completely.  (No me gusta.)  So I have resolved to work on a single chapter at a time.  I’m not going to worry about what comes after, or what follows in the next 20 chapters.  Oh no.  I am going to work on one at a time to reignite the fire.  And the beauty of my plan is that I have attempted to work on it from the start multiple times and have gotten to the point that the first few chapters are rather smooth going.  (It’ll just be a pain in the later scenes.)

Even though I discovered that brilliant plan it has, of course, languished.  I don’t know what it is but the moment I get home I am EXHAUSTED.  I have next to no motivation (despite my burning desire to be published) and instead watch television or something equally as dumb. So I looked at the problem and attempted to fix it.  My next plan, to benefit the first, is to return to the days of when I spent my lunch hour working on my novel.  I would sit at some corner of the Carl’s Jr. around the corner off my office and perfect my writing.  It was nice to be out of an area that doesn’t offer wi-fi thus decreasing my chances of distractions. Plus, the fast food joint is no real hot-bed of activity so no one goes there.  It works for me and says so much of my personality.  Everyone does the coffee house.  And I find that they’re even more distracting.  The grinding of the coffee, people constantly coming in and out, or the loud conversation.  How anyone writes in a Starbucks or it’s equivalent is beyond me. 

SO! Tomorrow I will be getting up early, to get to work on time, so that I can take a lunch and work on my novel.  I will do this.  I can do this. The only one holding me back is me.   And if that doesn’t work I have my upgrade to the Nokia 1520 to look forward to at the end of April.  And maybe then I’ll stop talking about it and do it.

P.S. how is it that wordpress has an effing blackberry app but not a windows phone app?  I mean… talk about a waste of time… No one uses a blackberry anymore.  Get on it WordPress!

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One thought on “Thoughts are buzzards and my brain a carcass

  1. I, too, think that lunch hour is best spent on editing. I drag my laptop in and out of work. The only problem is that it’s only an hour, and sometimes you get really into your editing and the time flies. Usually, I put the kids to bed and get to work (besides my paying job and my kids, writing is my third full-time job), so I do a 9-11 pm shift. Ideally, I’d love to be one of those people who can wake up at 5 am and write, but I don’t see that ever happening in real life for me.

    That being said, I wish you luck! I hope your post motivates you to work on your novel. I think the Chapter by Chapter Idea is a great way to attack your editing. I also think it helps to print it out. If you have access to a printer, print out a chapter at a time and do edits with a pen on the paper. Things look different in print, and to me it seems less intimidating. Good luck!

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