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April 15, 2014

Boring tech stuff… You may want to skip

I am by no means a tech savvy individual.  I know a few things here and there, and when I like a particular electronic device I tend to obsess over it and learn as much as I can about it.  For instance when the iPhone first came out I watched all of the videos available on their website so I can see all of the things it could and would do.  I love it.  And I was the one, out of my husband and I, that knew what to do and how to do it.  I took the time.  Plus it was new and fascinating. 

Within the past year I have begun thinking of retirement and the future.  So I began to invest in stocks.  I chose Microsoft as one of the ones I invested in.  I did a little research and saw the things they were doing and like what I learned.  Also, I am a huge Xbox fan and I don’t think I could  live without my Microsoft word.  So In invested.  Since that time I’ve also traded in my iPad for a Surface and recently have deicded to trade my iPhone in for a Nokia 1520, especially since all of the updates that are in the pipeline.

The thing that astounds me, and irritates me all in the same, is that Microsoft has truly gone out of their way to get apps for their services.  They’ve made it increasingly easy and have gone as far as to now offer a One Windows ecosystem.  That’s amazing.  The thing that gets me is no one seems to care.  At all.  Unless it’s from google or from apple no one thinks Microsoft has the ability to deliver on anything. 

Anyway… this was my tiny rant because it’s mind boggling why no one is as interested or intrigued of all the changes that Microsoft is making.  Seriously… the One Windows idea… Whew.  I’m surprised they haven’t attempted that before.  NOw if only they could create a streaming game service for xbox games I think that would truly tip the scales. 

April 12, 2014

My newest bright idea

Never in my life have I ever done any sort of computer programming.  My husband likes to joke that I think I’m a computer tech, IT guy, but I am the furthest thing from it.  Which is very true. I know a few tricks here and there but I pretty much know next to nothing.  So it’s strange that all of a sudden I’ve decided that I want to build an app of a card game.

Back in freshman year of high school I developed this simple easy to play card game.  It took some strategy but in the end it was just for fun and an easy way to pass the time.  For whatever reason it bubbled up back into my mind about a month ago and since then I have been attempting to learn how to type C#.  It hasn’t gotten very far.  Let’s just say that. 

I have everything all laid out in my head it’s just actually executing these (what i’m assuming) hundreds lines of code to bring it into reality.  I haven’t the slightest clue of where to begin (code wise.)  I have downloaded all of the visual studio programs from the Microsoft website but from there… I even thought about taking a class at the local community college but they don’t offer a class on C# nor any real programming language. 

Anyway… I guess as I am learning this complex thing I can work on the other project that coincides with this project.  I decided to add a twist to the game where there is a story mode and depending on the outcome of the game it leads the story into a different branch.  Sort of like a “choose your own adventure” if you will.  

March 27, 2014

Every journey… small step… you know the drill

It’s been three days since I first stated that I would begin working on a chapter at a time on my lunch break, and already I have completed my revisions of chapter one.  Now, that’s not anything amazing because prior to this assignment I had edited the shit out of it.  This is just another once over. 

I took some advice and printed out the entire chapter and began with reading it over and marking my edits.  And though I had my doubts that seeing it on paper would be any different than seeing it on a screen I was proven wrong, and I couldn’t be more thrilled.  It’s almost like I have two very different personalities while looking at a screen and looking at a printed document.  While at a computer I am the writer, splashing my thoughts into text and seeing where my images take me.  But looking at it in black and white on a crisp sheet of paper I was Mr. Critique and approached my project with the same attitude I give to anyone who happens to hand me their work and wants notes.  I was harsh but fair all at the same.

After finishing up with my handy pen work (I have to note that it looked like I took a razor blade to my paper and it was bleeding) I spent my lunch entering my changes. The feeling of accomplishment is truly surprising.  I’ve only finished one chapter, but the fact that I stuck to it and achieved my goal is where my pride resides. 

On to chapter two!

March 3, 2014

From the Ashes

When I was in the 10th grade we were required to do this assignment in English class called the “Sophomore Project.”  It was meant to be a way to highlight who we were and who we wanted to be in that space of time.  Basically teaching us that nothing is certain and we all grow into new people.  Plus, it’s always fun to look back and see our own growth.  The times I’ve perused mine, I  see a few things that concern me.  The first, which hasn’t changed, I am one lazy bitch.  I half-assed that project to death.  I shouldn’t have even gotten a C.  That was my teacher being generous.  Truly.  Most of my pieces were on notebook paper that I inserted, the night before, into a binder that I had just glued on a piece of paper, to the front, that said “My Sophomore Project” in bold Arial type. For being as imaginative as I was it lacked all qualities of creativity.  My mind was on other things, I guess.

The second thing that sticks out is how as jaded as I am now I am not nearly as angry as I was then.  Jesus, I was one cranky son of a bitch.  I have come to the conclusion it was due to my overwhelming sense of self loathing.  At the time I was very, VERY, religious and I was battling my sexual identity.  I was also a pimply faced, greasy haired, fat, kid.  No one liked me and I didn’t like myself.  So I became bitter.  I was, shall we say, jaded. It was then that I turned into writing.  I took my observations of my surroundings and angst and turned it into words and pumped out a piece of writing I am, to this day, very proud to call my own.  It was filled with so much personality that I still canot quite capture.  I was on fire.  And it was a beautiful thing artistically.

The final thing, and this is the one that worries me the most, was how completely unrealistic I was with planning my life goals and the expectations and my limitations.  I had no clue how the outside world worked or how what I wanted out of life (getting a manuscript published or acting in film) was 10% talent 90% luck and just being in the right place at the right time.  So for a list of the ten items of “where I saw myself in ten years” one of them was to have finished 10 novels.  Bitch, I haven’t even finished-finished half of that, let alone one.  Sure I have written one novel length work of fiction but that’s just from sitting down at a keyboard and banging out whatever popped into my head to move the story forward.  And even that was a journey.  It’s strange how I could, in one hand, hold so much optimism for my future but in the other so much hatred and cynicsm.  One obviously cancels the other out, or one could say that they actually balance each other out.

Dreaming is what keeps us going.  Giving ourselves something to wish and hope for gives us a goal.  We need a rainbow to keep chasing to make life bearable, even if it is unrealistic.  In the moment it is exactly what we need.  And as I age, the reality of life starts taking those dreams away, but it does not seem to take the same amount of angst.  In fact it seems to take one out of one into the other, throwing me off balance.  To be brutally honest, throwing me into crazy spirals.  In fact I have gone into two.  Being out of them I can look at them objectively.  I am absolutely embarrassed by them because they were so public, as all crazy spirals are.  I made such broad statements by quitting my job and wanting to go to school to study biology to become a C.S.I. technician.  Or… becoming a geologist.  I mean… These were 100% out of left field.  In the moment they seemed to fit.  They made perfect sense.  Now… Well, I see the truth in my insanity.  Which is why my newest thoughts have me leery.

As I sit poised at the cliff, looking down into the jagged canyon of my 30’s, I contemplate going back to school.  I had attempted it once back when I was just out of high school but I lacked any real motivation and didn’t quite grasp the “I’m here by choice” concept that comes with going to college.  Like many that failed to grasp that, I failed and didn’t attempt it again.  Although, I want to return and get a BA in Journalism.  But unlike before (when I wanted to be a CSI) I’m not quitting my job.  In fact, I’m doubling down and taking further education to get my trainee license for real estate appraisal. (Just in case my enthusiasm somehow peters out, you know?) This would be in the mean time while I wait for the summer semester to begin.  Then upon that time I will register for two classes and continue with that pattern every semester until spring of 2017 where I HOPE to graduate with an AA and then move to Long Beach to continue my education for my BA.  This is all tentative.

My biggest fears are as follows: 1) that my enthusiasm will lessen or extinguish before I can register for the summer semester or 2)this is just another moment of crazy.  The only piece of evidence against number two is that my doctor just put me on mood stabilizers and coupled with the anti-depressants I am currently taking that should put me in a clearer head space. (Shouldn’t it?)

This is the start of a new life.  I can feel it in my core.